Creating Authentic

Connection with young people

Thursday 10 September is R U OK? Day so we thought we’d complement that by focusing on how we improve connection, particularly between adults and young people.

For many young people, life feels more complicated than ever. School pressure. Social media. Friendship challenges. Family expectations. Concerns about global issues and the future.

At the same time, parents, carers and other adults are trying to understand how best to support young people through an increasingly complex world.

The Importance of Adult Connection in a Young Person’s Life

Mental health challenges among young Australians are more common than many people realise.

According to national data:

  • 1 in 7 Australian children and adolescents aged 4 to 17 experience a mental illness each year.
  • Almost 39% of Australians aged 16 to 24 experienced a mental health issue within a 12-month period, the highest rate of any age group.
  • 22% of young people reported high levels of psychological distress in Mission Australia’s 2024 Youth Survey.

These statistics remind us that many young people are navigating significant challenges, often without those around them fully realising.

While friends play an important role, research consistently shows that supportive relationships with parents, carers and other trusted adults are among the strongest protective factors for mental health and wellbeing.

The question is not whether young people need support.

The question is whether they know where to find it when they need it most.

Connection Is One of the Most Powerful Protective Factors

Humans are wired for connection.

Strong relationships provide a sense of safety, belonging and support, especially during difficult times.  This is one of the reasons we made Connect a key pillar of our approach at Thumos. For young people, knowing there is at least one trusted adult who genuinely listens is essential for their resilience and wellbeing.

Yet many young people choose not to speak up when they’re struggling.

Some don’t want to worry their parents.

Others fear being judged, criticised or misunderstood.

Some simply don’t know how to explain what they’re feeling.

This is where trusted adults can make a profound difference.

Connection does not start when a crisis emerges.

It is built through thousands of small moments that communicate:

“You matter.”

“I’m interested in your world.”

“You can talk to me.”

“We’re in this together.”

Young people are far more likely to seek support when those foundations of trust already exist.

The Opportunity and Responsibility of Trusted Adults

Many parents, carers, teachers, coaches and family members hesitate to raise concerns because they’re worried they’ll say the wrong thing. Some worry about making things worse. Others believe mental health conversations should be left to professionals.

But supportive conversations don’t create mental health problems. What they do is reduce isolation, strengthen relationships and help young people feel less alone.

The goal is not to become a counsellor.

The goal is to become a trusted, approachable adult. Sometimes the most valuable thing you can offer is your presence, attention and willingness to listen without judgement.

Four Simple Ways to Start the Conversation

If you’re concerned about a young person, you don’t need a perfectly scripted approach.

Try asking:

  • “How have you been lately?”
  • “You seem a bit different recently. How are things going?”
  • “I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself. Is everything OK?”
  • “How are you really doing?”

Simple questions, asked with genuine care, can open important conversations.

How Parents and Carers Can Create Stronger Connections

Choose the Right Moment

Some of the best conversations happen when there is less pressure.

Consider talking while:

  • Driving
  • Walking the dog
  • Cooking together
  • Having a coffee
  • Watching sport
  • Doing a shared activity

Side-by-side conversations often feel safer and less intense than formal face-to-face discussions.  For boys and young men in particular, a ‘sit down chat’ often leads to silence, yet go to the park and kick the footy around and they’re ‘chatterbox of the month’

Be Curious About Their World

Young people are more likely to talk when they feel understood.

Ask about their interests, friendships, goals and experiences.

Show genuine interest in what matters to them, even if it seems trivial from an adult perspective.

Connection grows when young people feel that adults value their perspective.

Listen Before You Solve

When a young person opens up, resist the urge to immediately provide solutions.

Instead:

  • Listen carefully.
  • Reflect back what you’ve heard.
  • Validate their experience.
  • Ask thoughtful follow-up questions.

Simple responses can be powerful:

“That sounds really difficult.”

“I can understand why you’d feel that way.”

“I’m glad we’re talking about this.”

Young people need understanding before they need advice.

Stay Calm and Keep the Door Open

Young people pay close attention to how adults respond.

If they disclose something difficult, try to respond with calmness rather than alarm.

Consider saying:

“Thank you for trusting me.”

“Let’s work through this together.”

“You don’t have to face this on your own.”

These responses communicate safety and encourage future conversations.

Connection Happens in the Small Moments

Just like the famous advertising slogan “It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen” authentic connection is something we build every day, in the small moments.

Sharing a meal.  Putting down your phone and giving your full attention.

Showing interest in the things that matter to them.

These small moments create the relationships that allow young people to seek support when life becomes challenging.

Remember

You don’t need perfect words.

You don’t need all the answers.

You just need to show up.

While professional support is important when needed, many young people first need something much more fundamental:

A trusted adult who genuinely listens.

It’s about creating a culture where young people know there is always someone willing to listen, understand and support them.

Sometimes the most important question we can ask is:

“Are you OK?”

And then stay long enough to truly hear the answer. With curiosity. With empathy. With compassion. And without judgement.

Note: This article is provided for informational and educational purposes only and does not constitute medical, psychological, or professional advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified healthcare professional regarding any mental health concerns. If you are experiencing a crisis or need immediate support, contact emergency services or a qualified crisis support service.